tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-72272755386457130392024-02-19T06:10:36.221-05:00Ridiculous Fox News HeadlinesUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger57125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7227275538645713039.post-28328321602457523852012-10-09T15:17:00.001-04:002012-10-09T15:17:26.557-04:00Because Fox News Writes The Jokes For Me<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;">
I abandoned this blog a while back for two reasons.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;">
The first was that the well seemed to dry up. Fox News stopped creating humorous front page graphics that contained unintentionally hilarious headlines, so I gave up.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;">
The second is that, while I have been known to crack jokes with extreme regularity, I am not a comedian. It was not easy to come up with fresh material because Fox News writes SO MANY ridiculous headlines. I just couldn't keep up. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;">
So today, I came across this gem:</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuojY9qmQ-1UHbNTcDIOvpsE9qrwSbEU069cw_UuMuonFVJdorQk61nR6EWMuK3EVrdnMBER1tgTdXDigRsTl_O0ay3TqfHKPsAgSs6sh0nzSe_59CnSo6rp9gCN2_sxOVkUliNdISl728/s1600/100912_BIGBIRD_20121009_122928.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuojY9qmQ-1UHbNTcDIOvpsE9qrwSbEU069cw_UuMuonFVJdorQk61nR6EWMuK3EVrdnMBER1tgTdXDigRsTl_O0ay3TqfHKPsAgSs6sh0nzSe_59CnSo6rp9gCN2_sxOVkUliNdISl728/s400/100912_BIGBIRD_20121009_122928.jpg" width="400" /> </a> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Needless to say, Fox is clearly back in business, so I guess I am too. I'm going to stop posting here and do it via Twitter instead. And I'm going to keep the commentary to a minimum because, honestly, it's unnecessary. The material really writes itself.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
if you want to follow, checkout <a href="https://twitter.com/ridicfoxnews">@RidicFoxNews</a>. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7227275538645713039.post-64111221547031522702010-10-06T13:10:00.001-04:002010-10-06T13:12:12.759-04:00Confusing Reality With Tabloid Journalism<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" height="374" id="ep" width="416"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="wmode" value="transparent" /><param name="movie" value="http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/.element/apps/cvp/3.0/swf/cnn_416x234_embed.swf?context=embed&videoId=offbeat/2010/10/05/moos.jetpack.makes.news.cnn" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#000000" /><embed src="http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/.element/apps/cvp/3.0/swf/cnn_416x234_embed.swf?context=embed&videoId=offbeat/2010/10/05/moos.jetpack.makes.news.cnn" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" bgcolor="#000000" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="416" wmode="transparent" height="374"></embed></object></div>Here's a clip from CNN about how Fox News reported a story from the Weekly World News tabloid, concerning the use of jet packs by the LAPD. To be fair, it came from the extremely disreputable morning show, Fox & Friends, but if they choose to put it on the air and report it as news, we are to assume that the network intends for the public to consume it as such.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7227275538645713039.post-39337789131651864332010-09-27T13:49:00.005-04:002010-09-27T13:57:16.987-04:00It's Aliiiiiiive!!!! Also, Fox Has An Official Position On Your Genitals<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiVBxmYRrhvq5paiLCdU6P-PK5otgCKDq4WFHLoGocJ2hGbvkbrxrhUoHgGrgcdBUQvz4TEjiEFwplbIGdLubbmHxPjDBLBPTfPy4u2oOVlW6HViIBs82stJea3GzYtnvM3owg-55Mvfqj/s320/baredownthere.png" /></div>Back from the dead, you say? Perhaps. It has been quite a long time since I updated this blog and part of the reason for the hiatus was that Fox changed their web site and took away all my good material. The other half of that reason is that without such easy targets, I just didn't have the energy to continue. However, I have recently discovered Fox's "Photo Op-inion: Best of the Week" section and oh my goodness, is it unbelievable. So with newfound inspiration, I have decided that I will take another stab at it, although I won't focus solely on headlines. To get us started, I will share this gem, which I apparently saved as a draft at the beginning of the summer and never posted. It's an article that suggests that everyone should shave their public hair. Sure, in these times I may be taking an unpopular stance on this issue, but that's neither here nor there. Equally as horrifying is the knowledge that Fox has a section called "Fox on Sex." Never mind that I will never view <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbmor8y5mpuz-gFxziouJMj5WcYuqtsT3134QpdMBfvEMW6mk4-BmFZk-lf3SNxJOI-lzsKcGq192A481yY-pKoWJRzNlyukwmYZr5Nf2qWFsdzrOTZZB-xfJ3wby5ysLgpHcnGdXlvi_J/" target="_blank">Dr. Suess</a> the same way, but I think we should all be very worried about the poor soul who looks to these people for sexual advice.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7227275538645713039.post-64899658770471741292010-06-21T19:58:00.001-04:002010-06-21T20:01:08.454-04:00The Times They Are a-Changin'<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;">To anyone who reads this blog, I apologize for the lack of updates recently. Things have gotten busier and ever since Fox updated the previously embarrassing way in which they presented news, it's become increasing difficult to point out how ridiculous they are. I will probably be updating less, but I will try to spend more time scouring the Internet looking for old headlines that remind us of the good old days, when foxnews.com was one of the weakest and most hilarious arms of the Fox News empire. Do not fret, as I'm sure I will run into some hilarity on their new site, as well. Thank you to those of you who enjoy this enough to waste a few minutes of your day here. Also, feel free to send in any crazy Fox News stuff you might find on the web.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7227275538645713039.post-31873239137440928622010-06-15T13:28:00.056-04:002010-06-15T13:45:28.662-04:00NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoK_84B8QJ2XLjzzWFS6a-ZbrmbBxAO3vOfQmobdwGa90gk9ex9eGfNESbDxWIPG64m__QbPJrcHbvo3tiRdfDwnFJ30DUv8fWQsvuNvZ4AqVcmlXqGOEoUBNTwlmEbeQmJ_qGQ06aXb3R/" /> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;">I never thought this day would come, but it finally happened. The good people at Fox News have finally decided that they don't want their website to look like it's being run by interns. I don't know who had to get fired for this to occur, but the stupid looking headlines appear to be gone. This is obviously going to make my job more difficult, which I suppose is partly my fault. Sure, nobody at Fox (or anywhere else) really reads this blog, but the timing sure is suspicious. For years, the front page of their web site has looked like utter shit as a result of their mysterious Photoshop addiction, but as soon as I start poking fun at, they decide to comply with child labor laws and let the adults take over? I have no choice but to take responsibility for this, even though it makes absolutely no sense to do so. I must have had it coming. In any case, they will still post ridiculous headlines and images, but they will no longer be so perfectly entangled that the jokes write themselves. I'm actually going to have to sharpen up and start calling them out for being a terrible news network, as opposed to just looking like one. I knew this was getting too easy. Drat.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7227275538645713039.post-88290751712837635082010-06-09T15:13:00.091-04:002010-06-09T16:02:29.855-04:00Fox Writers Contract Horatio Caine Disease<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8zeXfJL2YYvuJPtT4ANSP-FpiOs_zL7yM-JiuHYuPpE5p-ZSXWZX5eaIyMWfjnSr4H7uRL_T8lR34rFiVWk8KN9H1xprQvZT_z_QdUmrj0bpS3L7XneXHXYF6g8y5ABTvVphvvIjN1n9i/s320/042710_mccain_20100427_101936.jpg" /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggt-KwNOPPNmn0TZjdPTLZFyFkY4mxmArdsJjHNgK7jmV-fgMwCM8W9hH64vZ-CmJNcxosxc9R50NspIr0GmQifIxIeYujy1ZCr3TsmwLxmladyaoe3YLdVKzYUt-W61kIj5kml9GLU4_e/s320/051510_PalinTXT_20100515_081103.jpg" /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS-6ZZbps8zAsYEPav5BKDKwrAOiM4JACnSt6KVmp1HAAy2NEINa18JW9HzX9y9z8jhKQG2aUEiBOosx7gyvGrENKRWI-502mpWgYSEQjM4IgPUK4jLkdQN_39ONgiUe08XzSLqZ9ka7-d/s320/051610_Thailand2TXT_20100516_072650.jpg" /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihWSu2wvR4L1QQMEztwquYi8TBW2MA2lpUVPugZ0EAplJN75IdAwL2HDlFtjGQdVyDCEhki1Rojle7n7nuR1X1-EJAPm1tYfragH7FQEF4dhGb13-_hHA9Xe4erTSRUZisoCdIxX_M3hOn/s320/053110_landofliberty_20100531_171907.jpg" /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK9ltEZ7E1yib7qi83meIbVqMDkVGE0eC8dMRqwXYZlVbAfO9AeKua9-M7WTW6PRQHbqYeqT9wuatynO1vWLUfwiNAAviog5KVjztp8lzMf_mp3EZJQauwUs0sV-ZzevXRMfWINsZDaG2B/s320/060810_PrimaryTXT_20100608_120222.jpg" /></div><b>ellipsis </b>n.<br />
<b> 1. </b>the omission of one or more words that are obviously understood but that must be supplied to make a construction grammatically complete<br />
<b>2. </b>marks or a mark (as …) indicating an omission (as of words) or a pause<br />
<br />
Like so many other common sense principles, the proper usage of an ellipsis seems to have eluded the people who make these headlines. While I was sad to see the trusty old Impact font go, I had no idea what Fox News had in store. Since adopting a more professional looking typeface for their horrible front-page abominations, whoever is in charge of creating these things has decided to introduce the previously rare concepts of emphasis and timing. As you might expect, this has already gotten completely out of hand.<br />
<br />
Before I even get to the topic of Fox's egregious use of punctuation, I want to point out the abuse of font formatting. Three types can be seen in each of the images to the left: size variation, capitalization and boldfacing. The reason for using all three at once is beyond my comprehension, as I feel that one is sufficient to get your point across (maybe two if you're desperate). Whenever I read these, I always feel like someone is shouting at me and the volume level is constantly fluctuating, which is very much like listening to Glenn Beck. It gives me a headache and I wish they would stop with the theatrics.<br />
<br />
This brings me to my original objection, the molestation of the ellipsis. Can someone please explain this to me? In none of these examples is an ellipsis necessary or even appropriate. The first two come the closest to making sense, because the headlines are referencing something that was said by another person. Unfortunately, neither of these are wrapped in quotation marks, which means that there is no reason to indicate an omission. It seems to me that they are doing this, much like the previously mentioned formatting free-for-all, purely for dramatic effect. This is no real surprise since Fox News definitely specializes in beating your brain to mush with nonsense for the sake of being loud.<br />
<br />
If I ignore the bad formatting, the ellipses still linger in my mind. Instead of a maniac with a megaphone, I now imagine David Caruso softly reading the first line when suddenly, he pauses, removes his sunglasses, takes a deep breath, and says something that makes him seem like the biggest jackass on the planet.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7227275538645713039.post-27534131879482634232010-06-07T16:25:00.012-04:002010-06-07T16:29:09.129-04:00I Would Have Preferred, "How Do You Like Them Apples?"<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyLXwHp4sLqS5I44Nh5NfWHDqgb0KJOw_jK3K17d7N2VaubEDY1hPAgEADl6MXxTdnvX4PULegRaXljgWRswPc84Yob0Mp8WHyO7Y0wZ94xxhaA7lrc9oH_X8B7KbXzziVeO7Qjg-bToJi/s320/060710_Apple_20100607_144753.jpg" /></div>Surprisingly, I've never heard this one before, so I have to give them points for originality. CNN is reporting the story under the boring old headline, "Apple chief unveils new iPhone," which is unfortunate for them because I only read articles that rope me in with clever wordplay and make me think about how smart and funny the writer thinks he is. I'm also somewhat surprised that Apple hasn't trademarked it already, thus forcing orchard farmers to pay out royalties every time they harvest their crops.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7227275538645713039.post-72801652990350838382010-06-01T16:45:00.007-04:002010-06-01T16:52:49.387-04:00When Did Elementary Schools Start Teaching Photoshop?<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOrtZXnGPVKG8a3kDSBA8blPcuAuLRIupXTeocdxaxuoFnUipiYZK39ZEdH_LbFwhj9TT1d2hdidmO7s6vKk8oNw6yPJeT8zuQdxRoQ5Xydj9LDAeEK1AkS3SdzuXWwZuvpAu_udm8LMJ9/s320/052410_ONEOFMANY_20100524_152621.jpg" /></div>This looks like something your kid would make you stick on your refrigerator. The globe is obviously from a clip-art gallery, but I really don't understand the drop shadow under the President. Some people think he walks on water and, judging by the powers of levitation he displays here, they could be right. If this image tells us anything it's that Obama is not going to make the United States 'just one of many.' On the contrary, he seems more poised to give the Earth a kick, or perhaps do some ball exercises.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7227275538645713039.post-25865059547887244322010-05-28T12:44:00.006-04:002010-05-28T12:48:45.500-04:00Read These Options To Yourself In Glenn Beck's Voice<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW3g066oA9AlXABFckGDsv7l5vriNmRvKkJ1izDNjkBLfPUtCvtFU7LJcQImS82U6umP87Gjqe-4QVTnMeYT_-a13cMfv_Mcw9oAd43QqBj6ZxVPtW30LqN68ufgw-SU-Sfwg3yDvyOZUz/" /></div>I'm sensing a lot of bitterness here. The popular answer seems more sarcastic than anything else, and I can't help but feel like they've started to let Glenn Beck write these. There is such a negative attitude in the way this is worded that I almost feel bad for these guys. The Fox faithful are clearly frustrated with everything Obama is doing, and it's really starting to manifest itself in these polls. Sure, it's probably not a complete coincidence that the "Sestak Report" was released in D.C. while Obama was out of town and right before the holiday weekend, but either way, it's not in any way a big deal. The whole BP fiasco is much bigger than anything else that's happening right now, so the White House could have released the statement any day of the week and I doubt anyone would be paying much attention. Time will tell if the report is true, and Fox will undoubtedly cover it to the point of exhaustion, so I don't know why they're so upset about such a minor detail. Someone needs a nap.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7227275538645713039.post-19263306836519951562010-05-26T18:11:00.007-04:002010-05-26T18:14:27.415-04:00It's Funny Because The Immigrant Is Climbing Over The Fence<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOTeQ2AHlLk0cGg8te_xSC_Ov9CjQOdBD9MBlpWILQv6DKmLN1K8z2aSWmxumQhv8XOeRwfG3CyEON92sV7keuLp4VbVA07Ea-Loc3oxJg7O6dvp7wx6Fl1CuzidEGYhf91hyhQmSvoJAT/s320/051310_overthetop_20100513_081915.jpg" /></div>This can't be the first time they have used this line. I do appreciate the thorough exposition though, because without the bullet points, I would have been completely lost. Thank goodness Fox provides background information so all the people who don't pay any attention to current events can understand what a news website is talking about when they make stupid jokes instead of just reporting.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7227275538645713039.post-2653657961226645932010-05-24T14:14:00.015-04:002010-05-24T14:23:59.232-04:00Nope<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWeoE7g4_-rGNDT86oAwIwQL4kbw4tisEADdzwSqNL-VP9-Arziclv_jduqOxv38qM2BzLV6C0CYNH4a4BOvrtdCU7nXXnWxnaUScfMreSgthRFyyDQmUzTJsAsuyG_-8a4jID1Jqfq1EH/s320/051610_BreakthroughTXT_20100516_144546.jpg" /></div>This is from two weeks ago. In yet another desperate attempt to defend our corporate overlords, Fox makes one of their hasty predictions that turns out to be nothing more than an attention-grabbing teaser. Well, they've made a breakthrough, all right. Their oil has broken through the Gulf Coast and into our fragile ecosystem. Ironically, BP executives were aboard the now-sunken drilling platform when the disaster started, celebrating the rig's safety record.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7227275538645713039.post-88492989356388066442010-05-21T12:25:00.035-04:002010-05-21T12:34:54.770-04:00Fox Breaks Their Only Camera, Makes Mohammed Feel Ugly<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyTx3TYOnm8HF2Rd5zXjsueyQKGkUZ2DmUkwDdYKcVx7dqfjk94qAQMZHswfPTb50b5MJXmKR_B3PRWhknyYmwvI_McWThFlBPpyW65dfZsK-GQhA1l8W3xMlNdd86Aiba3NmOQvVJh6xN/s320/051910_correctedmohammed_20100519_135526.jpg" /></div>I guess the lack of photograph here is supposed to poke fun at the censorship of Mohammed. Despite the apparent, I'm actually going to assume that Fox was just too afraid to post a real image, which is completely understandable considering <a href="http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2010/05/21/pakistan-should-ban-extremism-not-facebook/?iref=allsearch" target="_blank">no</a> <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/10136576.stm" target="_blank">other</a> <a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37238500/ns/technology_and_science-tech_and_gadgets/" target="_blank">major</a> <a href="http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/wireStory?id=10707440" target="_blank">news</a> <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/21/world/asia/21pstan.html?scp=1&sq=draw%20mohammed&st=cse" target="_blank">media</a> <a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/05/21/ap/tech/main6505523.shtml" target="_blank">outlets</a> would, either. I almost admired their mocking humor for a moment, but then I realized that I was looking at a national news network and not Comedy Central, and my admiration instantly turned to shame.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7227275538645713039.post-11420493862655442202010-05-18T16:40:00.039-04:002010-05-18T16:51:25.078-04:00I Don't Understand What You're Saying<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkwjNmq9B-VN-ETfhIgXuxXf2CzEuk5wUUdeFTD6dDNpy9UfAu7saoHuPa-5X8xb703I0fRecFd9LyInnj0Amp0uu1KVAKDZEvpF8d0S4SJ5vYSYZeS_5Mp12Z0X-A157Ul-gPPHObqIaa/s320/051210_slamdunked_20100512_164734.jpg" /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHsLNseNNztB2Mx8lpIzbnIs_8oe3ehFK7Vd62veMBphIUzuJClCoBWHJa2NPPSDGT7qpVH22OWF1nlG9_IL8LRlC3JM5KO6sAa7-bOF9jJvK1jA1yTcT-IpHD4IDE7hwKD4VjZN9oTrYT/s320/051310_hoopdreams3_20100513_160314.jpg" /></div>As a general rule, there's nothing worse than being so inept at manipulating the English language that one resorts to using sports analogies in situations in which doing so is completely unnecessary, that is to say, all situations outside of actual sports. So, it should come as no shock that Fox managed to find a way to override this infallible truth by taking one of these sporty phrases and turning it into a metaphor for absolutely nothing. A "slam dunk" refers to a task that is so simple, that the probability of its success is near 100% (for example, using the term "slam dunk" correctly). Somehow, this is supposed to make sense in the context of an Illinois school denying its girls' basketball team a promised trip to Arizona as a way of protesting the latter's recently passed law regarding illegal immigration, but I just can't find it. To Fox's credit, someone must have realized how stupid this seemed, as within hours, the original was replaced with this second gem, which correctly commits this cardinal sin against our language.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7227275538645713039.post-52780240771104145582010-05-15T15:46:00.009-04:002010-05-15T15:51:46.232-04:00Somebody Clearly Doesn't Watch Adult Swim<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3eZFTkLP75RLB3qt2vYIt10p40vuisZ7DfE9DG5L0E2O6RvEg54_Itjvk0AXwBluvvnoMlVliJjaIxDTDzD-NC8O0hK8B2YSoQvUZQHL7KfBgXu8RRZNMQDjSd9H41_o7nC8XEhgXXzo7/s320/Bible_Brawl_20100513_212655.jpg" /></div>I can only assume we're not talking about the <a href="http://games.adultswim.com/bible-fight-action-online-game.html">flash game</a>, but all I can think about now is Jesus punching Moses in the face. Unfortunately, this turns out to be just another Republican primary quarrel about who can be the most conservative, which is extremely disappointing to say the least. It's really not fair to promise a "bible brawl" that you can't deliver. Next time, I demand to see someone knocked unconscious with the ten commandments.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7227275538645713039.post-21850469613582174042010-05-13T12:54:00.003-04:002010-05-13T17:16:01.982-04:00Someone Is Actually Being Paid For This<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKUk3taHQ40g6V7keWKKYhKcMbbUJ-80GXTRmV0MBw6jhHqIPda7cMG_rs8x9kqBjaZFryERAxLXbSi7l5B5HJpf300rsXKGxXP9kogAjZiZgS9B59SA0DjJY15JhWvgZCNFyw85jVrLBM/s320/051310_onews_20100513_105708.jpg" /></div>This might just be the most poorly edited image I've ever seen. Even if I ignore the horribly cropped image of a gigantic Obama, the weak drop shadow used to cover it up, and the pathetic attempt at a news logo, what really bothers me is the choice of photograph. Why in the world does the President have a pair of microphones <b>under</b> his desk? Also, who the hell is he pointing at? Is this what Fox thinks a newsroom looks like? How is this the most popular news network in the country?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7227275538645713039.post-52324191896183728442010-05-11T14:38:00.003-04:002010-05-11T14:38:56.160-04:00Don't Mess With Tornado Cat<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBggjHCoqX_DK8BtVi2lGfyT_y6TIeWrkaW4odeOKlGBq46mqVVdt8x2jPb5TWu-tnwGVyxHMTprzp01hO37ZOznPEU540OMyGwncKAqdzJd7uv5bhinazI0XJUihi1V9_npB5v-0lQrKt/s320/051110_twisters_20100511_074823.jpg" /></div>I don't know if Fox was going for dramatic effect with this picture of a wet cat, but if they were, I can tell you that it didn't work on me. I don't feel sorry for this animal so much as I feel terrified of it. I mean, this cat looks like a badass, and any animal that survives a tornado and doesn't seem to care should be approached with caution. The look on his face tells me that not only did he stop the storm all by himself, but also that he's hungry for more.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7227275538645713039.post-55715882555751972322010-05-06T17:54:00.001-04:002010-05-06T17:54:56.107-04:00Students Forget Country Of Origin, Wear Flags As Reminder<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuLlREjespduim3_hfsH8JwbOnDYWpBTGUZX_dHFncCzmEYXYvWOVNkLZeQi2_ZalGsVYoguy4wQZNolBTaX7vTDH38xslpR4BXatLbmKH_kdFop8WFM3aPxspxAsdCUfTltnPJStEOKX4/s320/050610_COLORS_20100506_111054.jpg" /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEpIP8jZ6HHp70_hftErEltGcgifRu9OEz3_Fx5WNTd64bnHhHbjWG3fU9HadqjmyeZ7S4nsIjdeYETNRxc_uqMUjWTXUBLT_mTiNHzVbTeFytpbhdPHu_Ecd9yeqK0m_xJcF3ZGt-Wss_/" /></div>Imagine my surprise when I visited the Fox News website today, only to discover a truly shocking story. Allegedly, many parents are forcing their innocent children to wear stupid Old Navy shirts sporting Old Glory, in what is being described as a desperate attempt to rediscover their own youth, which they obviously lost in the 1990s. It never really made sense to me why people in the United States wear clothing with their own flag on it. The symbol doesn't speak very loudly when you are almost exclusively surrounded by other Americans. Thanks for letting me know that you're one of us, because I was really starting to worry. In truth, the story is actually about students in California who were sent home from school for wearing clothes and bandannas displaying the Stars and Stripes on Cinco de Mayo. Sure, it was a blatant and immature middle finger to the students' "ethnic" classmates, but it's free speech nonetheless. Now, it turns out that the story doesn't actually mention anything about banning the American Flag, but that was not enough to stop Fox from asking yet another brain teaser in their daily poll. Sure, the possible answers are pretty normal, but honestly, what kind of results do you expect when you ask, "Should the American Flag be Banned -- in America?" I've never bothered to ask what happens to the people who vote differently in these polls, but I can only imagine that they are visited by the CIA and possibly detained as enemy combatants.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7227275538645713039.post-10761424288164408992010-05-04T19:28:00.006-04:002010-05-04T19:31:24.075-04:00It's Funny Because A Submarine Is Phallic<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizGLxdvMvIfLgamMidPQLYqfK044ey1YXb4Wrk8DgShzitMD-sUXiHkSgfcTRQswzzGuFLneh10mytcmAb7OgIKglocW9dn6Q1KDv-PBZpMh37tEV2Edab9CSaN5I-_MUbaER4lnVqS1Ww/s320/042910_SUBS_20100429_130813.jpg" /></div>Instead of showing important and necessary policy changes in a positive light, Fox always finds a way to ask irrelevant questions just to stir the pot. It reminds me of how local news networks like to tease you about the possibility of your children being murdered by your refrigerator (find out next Friday at eleven). If you need to ask whether women should be allowed on submarines, I can only assume it's because you can't figure out who is going to make your sandwiches from now on.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7227275538645713039.post-4086011930857725122010-05-01T10:20:00.004-04:002010-05-01T10:22:34.276-04:00I Bet They Sure Feel Silly<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHucffR-GhqY2JjjF7DKCqxyZ2tIzxTTS6fDPIykaLyCguLsPViKbhKRw7lOKwPMPQilE1opBmcrRPa0TuNDbu-BztTxdVLUdDs5V0z_oO3IPnEM28dsHipk3WrlvOeKH4PqSmq-lxEefJ/s320/042310_gulfrig_20100423_080723.JPG" /></div>Fox has a reputation for making unwise predictions and being overzealous in their reporting. Sure, BP told everyone that the spill wasn't nearly as bad as it actually is, but you really can't take their word for it and pretend everything is fine. The smart thing to do here would have been to quote whoever told them that the disaster was contained rather than making fools of themselves for the sake of being the first to report it. The oil spill is as bad for the Gulf Coast as Fox is for journalism.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7227275538645713039.post-37562778225882641462010-04-28T16:27:00.004-04:002010-04-28T16:29:08.407-04:00Congress Plays Hangman With Goldman Sachs Execs<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu7FFuSAAZvJ5W1FETcZxug7jGd7IXiTiYMhLSnWkwCSTmoDRQ8yo-OqswpT66ztAguLDX9NqqjXIxQ0_vWtgNYvJtJ7lxrkGsTsaHQKzmMswkNnbauI7NQrMGdBmw0UOtx3pP3PzWdSyv/s320/042710_SHITTYDEAL2_20100427_123656.jpg" /></div>As we all know, the media is afraid of naughty words. They do their best to confuse and obscure by replacing letters with random characters, making an otherwise obscene message indecipherable. So if I ask "How fu$@ing stupid do these a#%holes think we are?", you would be completely lost. Well, Fox takes it one step further, by masking so many letters that you really don't know what they're trying to say. 'Shaggy' deal? That's kind of weird. It could be 'Shoney,' but I don't think this has anything to do with restaurants. Hmmm...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7227275538645713039.post-44373912302881622112010-04-27T10:41:00.001-04:002010-04-27T10:41:44.892-04:00It's Just Not The Same<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihCeGX8J81xDC1knLWQqY9t7exL5ziZETCguxm2ocD_X91IlFtSK0J5DFuhHGbpdvWVdkYqyiW20yFWcaDCI9rzGwB_Tfe7fyAKn15w0kcL-irWSt4udMtHvOIqSzM7waKM4D_9cIV7YGH/s320/042610_tinyhorse_20100426_215627.jpg" /></div>This may be end of an era. It looks like Fox is ditching their trusty old Impact font for something a little less amateur. While I'm glad they are moving on, because they might as well have been using Comic Sans, I'm also a feeling a little sad and nostalgic. Fear not, fellow mourners, because here we have something that should cheer you right up. If the image of a tiny horse and a St. Bernard doesn't warm your heart, then surely the fact that this was the main headline at foxnews.com will bring you that desperately needed smile.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7227275538645713039.post-87668136266575612922010-04-26T11:15:00.000-04:002010-04-26T11:15:39.579-04:00iThink iMight iMbibe iPecac<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC5pfCqPxcIHkKWscEXnb3EeDH4URzGZpQsSJuHSezy5eXK-inmDwTPhq9APpTPPnQLO32zSqpdgPzWWTGDpgF0KsQ2VNem0201ATSKxdetebtydJeNPjzDGBexHaiTFrMDC-x3obXDJgG/s320/042310_iphone_20100423_214507.jpg" /></div>It's actually sort of clever the way Fox is playing on Apple's obsession with affixing the letter "i" to the names of their products. It's amazing that United States copyright law has essentially allowed a company to trademark a letter of the alphabet. Anyway, this one was another missed opportunity for Fox's humor/news department. It's about time someone shared with them the timeless adage, "If you don't have anything funny to say, then shut up and stop trying to be funny."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7227275538645713039.post-30607290448193809812010-04-23T18:18:00.004-04:002010-04-23T18:20:45.297-04:00Now That's Just Cruel<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW2le1cUhbLcNfFyT7A1r4ElbfsRSp2kJgtIPE-QhEzsL8CbUtFk0VD1uql4jP7GbGxC3O5TnTDlDtJ_vMnc_hAzxVwk49ulzuJ_3A5msBuJC6KjtTE20q_ay7Xou8MnnFjGzlkNN5xAfm/s320/power4_20100423_131733.JPG" /></div>At least now this guy has the money to get that taken care of. Shame on Fox for poking fun at their own viewers like that. Then again, maybe they'll give him his own show or at least an ironic nickname like, "Joe the Dentist."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7227275538645713039.post-29253272167205760452010-04-20T14:23:00.002-04:002010-04-20T14:23:18.826-04:00You Can Have My Salt When You Pry It From My Cold, Dead Hands<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-elpZf_narcxfATw8x5GJeE4HtC7nz6TuOSAxqaXURIPbvOb2mLRgCZV_TKntfr01NOi5wuIPGkjEsRrTmfJL4I4p4l-kcHMU9fEG1B_oCAPeIUAwFuccC8yPAvSqA2ZYOjEWHo_mfNec/s320/foodwars.png" /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZBDixz3Zltel37B5HE1i4adAfV8Bdfn6qeDzOKxi1f9pYnr0slZ8XTx4VcUvBTM8XeTdqfxRW8iqaoVt-1n6zYWk7afO76cp_vmfuhDH1N07w-WusVbXo7PicsIPU5ptQoaV9kMnWHd-h/" /></div>The people at Fox have become so paranoid that the government is going to take away their cheeseburgers that they have begun kicking their fear campaign into high gear. Let's ignore the "Shake-Up" joke for a minute. "War on Salt" is a term I haven't heard before, but if history has taught us anything, it's that we will soon have another Bill O'Reilly book unleashed upon us, and Glenn Beck will shower us with tears. I saw the obligatory reference to the "Nanny State", but then something else caught my eye. The Fox website has a regular feature called "YOU DECIDE," which is a poll that allows readers to express themselves about whatever Fox is scaring them about on any given day. The problem is that almost every poll on the site indicates near-unanimous support for an answer that you know will win the contest before you even see the results. Yes, it's that predictable. The funny thing about this poll is that the most popular response doesn't have that much to do with the article, which mentions that the FDA is trying to do something about the dangerous amounts of sodium food manufacturers put into just about everything. No one is talking about outlawing your precious Twinkies or even the ability to pour tons of table salt over your meals. Fox is clearly confused, because using the title "Should Government Regulate What Americans Eat," proves that they don't understand what the FDA does or why it exists. This explains a lot, because it seems to me that these people ate way too much lead paint during childhood.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7227275538645713039.post-59346402753771695152010-04-19T19:27:00.000-04:002010-04-19T19:27:14.461-04:00Oh My God, It's Become Self-Aware<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ8-bfNii0O6J-sBl-Pb9BmZtFWr3OpCv81AcUwPppFujlAW5Z7azxTnv5fhZwyllKm1WnI91PT7wPj_c9G_sBg-dz3v5NH2YQB6YobMuAA1x4qy8aOXiTvHaXnUcU9zDfKVWCe9kkX1y2/s320/041910_va_20100419_144254.jpg" /></div>How in the world am I supposed to make fun of something like this? It's like calling someone stupid who happens to be wearing a shirt that says "I'm With Stupid," with an arrow pointing up. It's a good thing that I don't make any money off of this site, because this kind of thing would put me out of business. Well played, Fox. Well played.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0