Read These Options To Yourself In Glenn Beck's Voice

I'm sensing a lot of bitterness here. The popular answer seems more sarcastic than anything else, and I can't help but feel like they've started to let Glenn Beck write these. There is such a negative attitude in the way this is worded that I almost feel bad for these guys. The Fox faithful are clearly frustrated with everything Obama is doing, and it's really starting to manifest itself in these polls. Sure, it's probably not a complete coincidence that the "Sestak Report" was released in D.C. while Obama was out of town and right before the holiday weekend, but either way, it's not in any way a big deal. The whole BP fiasco is much bigger than anything else that's happening right now, so the White House could have released the statement any day of the week and I doubt anyone would be paying much attention. Time will tell if the report is true, and Fox will undoubtedly cover it to the point of exhaustion, so I don't know why they're so upset about such a minor detail. Someone needs a nap.

It's Funny Because The Immigrant Is Climbing Over The Fence

This can't be the first time they have used this line. I do appreciate the thorough exposition though, because without the bullet points, I would have been completely lost. Thank goodness Fox provides background information so all the people who don't pay any attention to current events can understand what a news website is talking about when they make stupid jokes instead of just reporting.

Nope

This is from two weeks ago. In yet another desperate attempt to defend our corporate overlords, Fox makes one of their hasty predictions that turns out to be nothing more than an attention-grabbing teaser. Well, they've made a breakthrough, all right. Their oil has broken through the Gulf Coast and into our fragile ecosystem. Ironically, BP executives were aboard the now-sunken drilling platform when the disaster started, celebrating the rig's safety record.

Fox Breaks Their Only Camera, Makes Mohammed Feel Ugly

I guess the lack of photograph here is supposed to poke fun at the censorship of Mohammed. Despite the apparent, I'm actually going to assume that Fox was just too afraid to post a real image, which is completely understandable considering no other major news media outlets would, either. I almost admired their mocking humor for a moment, but then I realized that I was looking at a national news network and not Comedy Central, and my admiration instantly turned to shame.

I Don't Understand What You're Saying

As a general rule, there's nothing worse than being so inept at manipulating the English language that one resorts to using sports analogies in situations in which doing so is completely unnecessary, that is to say, all situations outside of actual sports. So, it should come as no shock that Fox managed to find a way to override this infallible truth by taking one of these sporty phrases and turning it into a metaphor for absolutely nothing. A "slam dunk" refers to a task that is so simple, that the probability of its success is near 100% (for example, using the term "slam dunk" correctly). Somehow, this is supposed to make sense in the context of an Illinois school denying its girls' basketball team a promised trip to Arizona as a way of protesting the latter's recently passed law regarding illegal immigration, but I just can't find it. To Fox's credit, someone must have realized how stupid this seemed, as within hours, the original was replaced with this second gem, which correctly commits this cardinal sin against our language.

Somebody Clearly Doesn't Watch Adult Swim

I can only assume we're not talking about the flash game, but all I can think about now is Jesus punching Moses in the face. Unfortunately, this turns out to be just another Republican primary quarrel about who can be the most conservative, which is extremely disappointing to say the least. It's really not fair to promise a "bible brawl" that you can't deliver. Next time, I demand to see someone knocked unconscious with the ten commandments.

Someone Is Actually Being Paid For This

This might just be the most poorly edited image I've ever seen. Even if I ignore the horribly cropped image of a gigantic Obama, the weak drop shadow used to cover it up, and the pathetic attempt at a news logo, what really bothers me is the choice of photograph. Why in the world does the President have a pair of microphones under his desk? Also, who the hell is he pointing at? Is this what Fox thinks a newsroom looks like? How is this the most popular news network in the country?