When Did Elementary Schools Start Teaching Photoshop?

This looks like something your kid would make you stick on your refrigerator. The globe is obviously from a clip-art gallery, but I really don't understand the drop shadow under the President. Some people think he walks on water and, judging by the powers of levitation he displays here, they could be right. If this image tells us anything it's that Obama is not going to make the United States 'just one of many.' On the contrary, he seems more poised to give the Earth a kick, or perhaps do some ball exercises.

Someone Is Actually Being Paid For This

This might just be the most poorly edited image I've ever seen. Even if I ignore the horribly cropped image of a gigantic Obama, the weak drop shadow used to cover it up, and the pathetic attempt at a news logo, what really bothers me is the choice of photograph. Why in the world does the President have a pair of microphones under his desk? Also, who the hell is he pointing at? Is this what Fox thinks a newsroom looks like? How is this the most popular news network in the country?

Don't Mess With Tornado Cat

I don't know if Fox was going for dramatic effect with this picture of a wet cat, but if they were, I can tell you that it didn't work on me. I don't feel sorry for this animal so much as I feel terrified of it. I mean, this cat looks like a badass, and any animal that survives a tornado and doesn't seem to care should be approached with caution. The look on his face tells me that not only did he stop the storm all by himself, but also that he's hungry for more.

Students Forget Country Of Origin, Wear Flags As Reminder

Imagine my surprise when I visited the Fox News website today, only to discover a truly shocking story. Allegedly, many parents are forcing their innocent children to wear stupid Old Navy shirts sporting Old Glory, in what is being described as a desperate attempt to rediscover their own youth, which they obviously lost in the 1990s. It never really made sense to me why people in the United States wear clothing with their own flag on it. The symbol doesn't speak very loudly when you are almost exclusively surrounded by other Americans. Thanks for letting me know that you're one of us, because I was really starting to worry. In truth, the story is actually about students in California who were sent home from school for wearing clothes and bandannas displaying the Stars and Stripes on Cinco de Mayo. Sure, it was a blatant and immature middle finger to the students' "ethnic" classmates, but it's free speech nonetheless. Now, it turns out that the story doesn't actually mention anything about banning the American Flag, but that was not enough to stop Fox from asking yet another brain teaser in their daily poll. Sure, the possible answers are pretty normal, but honestly, what kind of results do you expect when you ask, "Should the American Flag be Banned -- in America?" I've never bothered to ask what happens to the people who vote differently in these polls, but I can only imagine that they are visited by the CIA and possibly detained as enemy combatants.

It's Just Not The Same

This may be end of an era. It looks like Fox is ditching their trusty old Impact font for something a little less amateur. While I'm glad they are moving on, because they might as well have been using Comic Sans, I'm also a feeling a little sad and nostalgic. Fear not, fellow mourners, because here we have something that should cheer you right up. If the image of a tiny horse and a St. Bernard doesn't warm your heart, then surely the fact that this was the main headline at foxnews.com will bring you that desperately needed smile.

Now That's Just Cruel

At least now this guy has the money to get that taken care of. Shame on Fox for poking fun at their own viewers like that. Then again, maybe they'll give him his own show or at least an ironic nickname like, "Joe the Dentist."

I Can't Stop Imagining Fox Staffers Playing With Dolls

I couldn't find the a link for the original story, so I'm just going to use the Fox standard here and assume that this was a serious story that was purposefully represented with inappropriate (and stupid) humor. It was probably something about liberals trying to destroy America by regulating industrial toxins in children's toys.

On A Dark Day, My Humor Eludes Me

Out of respect for a fallen friend, I simply can't bring myself to make a joke today. I'm sure this one speaks for itself, anyway.

Most Accurate Headline Ever

I detect at least three instances of horrible Photoshop effects, all of which are alarmingly amateur for a national "news" organization, and none of which are less offensive than a Nazi.