You Can Have My Salt When You Pry It From My Cold, Dead Hands

The people at Fox have become so paranoid that the government is going to take away their cheeseburgers that they have begun kicking their fear campaign into high gear. Let's ignore the "Shake-Up" joke for a minute. "War on Salt" is a term I haven't heard before, but if history has taught us anything, it's that we will soon have another Bill O'Reilly book unleashed upon us, and Glenn Beck will shower us with tears. I saw the obligatory reference to the "Nanny State", but then something else caught my eye. The Fox website has a regular feature called "YOU DECIDE," which is a poll that allows readers to express themselves about whatever Fox is scaring them about on any given day. The problem is that almost every poll on the site indicates near-unanimous support for an answer that you know will win the contest before you even see the results. Yes, it's that predictable. The funny thing about this poll is that the most popular response doesn't have that much to do with the article, which mentions that the FDA is trying to do something about the dangerous amounts of sodium food manufacturers put into just about everything. No one is talking about outlawing your precious Twinkies or even the ability to pour tons of table salt over your meals. Fox is clearly confused, because using the title "Should Government Regulate What Americans Eat," proves that they don't understand what the FDA does or why it exists. This explains a lot, because it seems to me that these people ate way too much lead paint during childhood.